Ed: Chapter 3: The Colombian Ancestor: Part 2

A Caveman Hunting

A Caveman Hunting


I don’t think Ed could actually be involved with drug dealers, but his question does stir my curiosity. Let’s see if I can find out what’s on his leafy little mind.


 “Dr. Gaspar’s mint crop has some sort of a connection to a Colombian plant. I’m thinking he may have borrowed a gene or two to enhance the mint’s…shall we say…fragrance. He refers to it as the mint’s Colombian ancestor. He’s also a little paranoid about having purchased this particular species of plant. He thinks it may have attracted some sort of attention.”


“Sam, it has attracted attention, but not the kind the doctor thinks.”


I think Ed has already recovered from last night’s binge.  His bulb is as large… and almost as red… as my Uncle Godfrey’s nose. His leaves are as crisp and green as new money and his little white feeder roots a bowl of my ex-wife’s pasta. Soon, I’m going to have to find him a new container.


“I was going to check with a few of my wholesalers. If there’s anything on the street he needs to worry about, they will know.”


“Sam, what should concern him is mostly below street level.”


How can a radish living in a glass of water think he has more Intel than my network of used car wholesalers?  If those guys don’t know something, they know who does. I mean, they can get you anything from a deal on a used pick-up to the best dancers for a bachelor party.


“Below street level?”


“Yes. Below street level… underground. People tend to see only what they can see. For example, what do you see when you look at a forest?”


“Let me go out on a limb here…trees?”


“Exactly! You only see our reproductive parts. Two thirds of the action goes on below the topsoil!”


Who knows? Maybe this radish was a wholesaler in a previous life? He certainly seems to have the dirt on the trees.


“Ed, this conversation’s already too deep for me. How about we go over to Dr. Gaspar’s house and you try to explain this to him?”


“Like I said last night, today’s a good day for a trip. Just give me a second to pull myself together.”


“Take your time. I’ll call and see if the doctor is in.”


Actually, the doctor is never in, at least not during the day. If he’s home, he’s out with his plants. Decades of working outside have left him with the complexion, color and texture of a portabella mushroom. He has the ruggedness of a farmer but the stature, peace and tranquility of a cigar store Indian. I’m sure that, like his beloved plants, two thirds of his action lies below the surface too.


“Hey Bob! You old rattlesnake! It’s Sam!”


“Hi Sam. Up early for a Saturday morning. The dating sight didn’t prove too fruitful?”


“More like vegetables than fruit. Anyway, you going to be around for awhile? We’d like to come over and chat for a bit.”


“Sure Sam. I think you know where to find me.”


He thinks I know where to find him? I hope I find him in the mint patch. Speaking of knowing things, I remember once asking Bob how he knew so much. He gazed at me, and then disappeared into his library. Sometime later he shuffled back with a heavy, old, leather bound book.  On its cover in raised letters it said, “The Book of Knowledge”. 


“Here, Sam. Read this. It won’t take long.”


Yeah right. It takes me all week to read the TV Guide. Well, when we had TV Guides it did. These days I just surf through the 500 channels until I fall asleep. I opened up the book anyway.


“Bob, on page one it says, “This is what we know.” Page 2 says,” This is what we don’t know” and page 3 says, “The rest of this book is what we don’t know that we don’t know”, other than that, all of the pages are blank.”


“Yes. It doesn’t take long to read. Understanding it takes time.”


Like I said, I hope I find him in the mint patch. Anyway, I hope Ed’s done whatever it is he needs to do to get ready. I think I’ll just drop him off at Bob’s and come back home.


“OK buddy. Have you gathered up your tentacles for our voyage?”


“Yes, I am ready. Dr. Gaspar is ready. You are probably about as ready as you are going to be. This is unfortunate, because you are the one that will probably be doing most of the heavy lifting.”


“Heavy lifting?”


“Heavy lifting… combat… warfare… however you prefer to call it. You better gather up “your tentacles” because the voyage begins now.”


 (To be continued)




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